9/30/01

I got a phone call from my friend Ann yesterday. She told me that I have saved a life. Her neighbor had a mole on her face, and Ann urged her to have a specialist check it. She says that if it weren't for me, she would have minded her own business. Because of me, however, she continued to push her neighbor even though a family doctor said it was 'nothing'. Turned out to be melanoma, caught at a very early superficial stage. She came over to Ann's to thank her for saving her life, and Ann told her that it was, "not me, but my friend Pam who saved your life". Nice story, eh? Please have all your skin lesions checked!! Golf today was pretty good. My score was worse, but I had more good shots, I was better off the tee, and I hit my irons straighter. My 108 today was all because I couldn't putt worth a darn. Well, tomorrow I find out the treatment plan. I may have to put in two Journal entries to keep up to date. Love, P.

9/29/01

Happy first birthday to my Godson, Andrew May, also a happy 30-something birthday to cousin Nanci Vigilio. Okay, okay!! I broke down and turned on the furnace this afternoon. When it got down to 60 in here, I caved in! One of my MJH fellow ER docs played 18 holes of golf with me today. I did better than usual, and ended up with a 103. I'm finally starting to hit the ball like the pre-chemo days, in fact, I believe I had a 103 on my last round of golf before chemo started. I lost a TON of hair in the shower this morning, and also left strands of hair all across New England on my trip (sorry to Ronni, Janie, and Em who have to clean up after me). I'm amazed that I have hair left, with all that has come out, but so far, no wig is needed. It looks like I can play golf again tomorrow, and then Monday I'll have to concentrate on my melanoma again. Chemo? No chemo? I am as in the dark about the plan as anyone else. Love, P.

9/28/01

I had my counts today. Better and adequate, but not the greatest. Today's counts are 1700. The decision is whether or not I can stand any more chemo, and if so, when. I may go for Monday, but I am waiting for the guys in Pittsburgh to get back to me for their opinion. My house is cold. I just tried to turn on the gas fireplace to warm up the first floor, but I can't get the pilot to light. I hate turning on the furnace until Indian summer is over, because I could still need air conditioning next week. I will at least break out the down comforter for my bed tonight. Love, P.

9/27/01

Golf!! A true four letter word! Just when I think I have "finally figured out what I am doing wrong", a different aspect of my game falls apart! At least I didn't stay in the trees like Emily did all morning!! It was really nice that Mernie & Allan drove out to join us at the golf course (they had to leave their house this morning at 6:30!). It was a long drive today from Massachusetts to Mom & Dad's, and I swear that every employed trucker was on I-81 today (the rest of the country had a good travel day). 11 AM for the all-important counts. I need 1500 neutrophils to be 'protected' from infection, and approximately 5500 to be a green light for more chemo on Monday. I was 900 last Friday. Special good wishes to Ronni, who is getting her wisdom teeth out tomorrow - you go, girl!! Love, P.

9/26/01

Golf today was horrible! I did not have the ability to get the ball in the hole from inside 100 yards (no short game). I had to stop keeping score. We played 18 and I left from the golf course to Emily & Paul's. Em had the brownies made (it is our tradition). We just got back from an excellent dinner out. Bedtime will be early tonight. I'm already yawning. We have a tee time tomorrow morning for just 9 holes before I have to hit the road for my parent's. Aunt Mernie and Uncle Allan (Em's parents) will drive over from Albany and meet us at the course. I'm getting a bit travel weary, but have been fortunate enough to avoid any speeding tickets (though I deserve them!!) Love, P.

9/25/01

Rain, rain, and more rain! We got in 4 holes of golf before it started to pour. I'm glad Barb gave me a golf umbrella last Christmas. We had to quit, but will try again tomorrow before I head to cousin Emily's. More white wine and lobster tonight, I just hope my bone marrow responds to this "treatment" and kicks out some more white cells. I really hope that my counts are great on Friday - look at me - hoping for more chemo! Remind me of this when I'm bitching in the hospital! Love, P.

9/24/01

Yum! Just finished a lobster supper at Janie & Fred's. I hear that lobster is on the menu for tomorrow as well. My cousin Nanci and her family will be joining us. The drive from Dave & Ronni's to here was longer than it should have been, because I thought I KNEW the way, and didn't have to look at the map. I got off the Mass Turnpike at I-495 instead of I-95 and wondered why none of the exit names looked familiar. When I got to the sign that said "Welcome to New Hampshire", I knew I had screwed up. Finally got to Gloucester in time for golf. They have a short course, so I managed 16 holes. David, you will be glad to know that I played a bit better than yesterday! It is supposed to rain tomorrow, so I'll probably just read a book. I have been working on Mernie's theory that white wine is better for building up white blood cell, and have been drinking plenty of Chardonnay. Ahhh - lobster and wine - what a great vacation! Sure, Marcia, I'll think of you with every bite! Yeah. Love, P.

9/23/01

It is beautiful here in Connecticut! We have had warm, sunny days and cool nights. The leaves are just starting to change colors. Fall is my favorite season. My Colville family is taking good care of me, keeping me in beer, and even stopping at McDonald's for an E.V.M. #3 for lunch. Although Sean's soccer game yesterday had a better result with their victory, I enjoyed watching a bunch of good looking men on the field today with Dave's team (which lost 2-1). I've always felt that soccer players have the best buns/legs! Dave, Sean, & I played 9 holes this afternoon. I struggled, not playing nearly as well as at Tammy's. I leave tomorrow morning for Aunt Janie & Uncle Fred's for more golf and some lobster. Love, P.

9/22/01

Ahhh! Here I am in Connecticut, drinking a Beck's, and getting ready for supper. I arrived in time to attend my "nephew" Sean's soccer game. It was a great game with good passing and teamwork. They won 9-0, and Sean scored twice - once was a header, the other was a left-footed kick. He plans to continue his winning streak and will try to beat the tail-feathers off me in cards tonight. David (my "brother") has a soccer game tomorrow. I asked him if there were any good-looking single men on the team, and he doesn't think so. I may have to root for the other team! Dinner is served, gotta go! Love, P.

9/21/01

Bummer! As much as I hate chemo, I have to wait another week or more based on my blood counts today. My bone marrow is still sleeping on the job, and I may not be able to tolerate any more chemo. He will repeat the counts next week, so with another week off, I plan to travel north this time. I'm going to my parents' tonight, then to see David & Ronni Colville in CT, then to Gloucester, Mass for lobster and golf at Aunt Janie & Uncle Fred's, then to see my cousin Emily and back home in time for counts next Friday. With the computer virus out there, I will try to get a Journal entry on everyday, but may not have luck. Come on bone marrow! I need white blood cells!! Love, P.

9/20/01

I'm safely home from Tammy's. A bit travel-weary, but no worse for the wear. I had a nice visit, but it is always good to be home. My huge bathtub has been calling to me all week. Love, P.

9/19/01

Terrorist attacks on America, computer viruses, the stock market in near free-fall - what next? I did not solve any of the World's problems today. Instead, I played golf. Tammy had her best ever score for 9 holes, and I played pretty well for a change as well, though not well enough to publish my score on the website. I'm leaving here in the morning to head back to Virginia. If my counts are okay in clinic on Friday, I'll be admitted for cycle 4 on Monday. You all know how thrilled I am about that!! Love, P.

9/18/01

This may be late, I hear, due to a computer virus.  Shopping was fun.  I got some good bargains.  Tammy's boys had a soccer game this
evening.  Fortunately for Tammy, they are both on the same team.  Each of her boys scored a goal on the way to a 4-0 victory.  I was a wild woman in the stands yelling and cheering. It made me want to be a kid again, with lots of energy, and the ability to run and run.  Love, P.

9/17/01

The "Supper Club" last night was really fun, and plenty of left-overs for tonight. We were going to play golf today, but Tammy's clubs are at the Country Club, which is closed on Mondays. Rather than golf at another course, we were forced to shop (something Tammy is particularly good at). We found shorts for 6 bucks. We consider shopping to be our patriotic duty to stimulate our economy, and plan to go into Columbia tomorrow for more. We also went to a wig place and found that those who said red-head in the debate as to what color wig I should get were right - I do look best as a reddish brown. I didn't buy a wig, but have more of an idea as to what to look for at the big outlet in N.C. on my way home. I was invited to a Halloween party down here by one of the ladies at Supper Club. I will have to keep that in mind while wig shopping. Love, P.

9/16/01

I'm enjoying myself down here in S.C.! Tammy is a great friend. She drove up to Virginia to be with me the day I got my biopsy results, and we were "in the trenches" together during residency at MCV many years ago. Tonight is Supper Club, which a group of her friends do once a month. Years ago, I was made an honorary member of Supper Club. Tonight it is at Tammy's house, with all 7 couples/members able to attend. She is very calm about having all those people in her house, and has me "helping" by just sitting outside on the porch reading a book - see I told you she was a great friend! Beef tenderloin on the menu - hmmmm, maybe I WILL look into buying the house behind them. . . Love, P.

9/15/01

Well, I have arrived in Sumter, S.C. I realized about 2 1/2 hours from my home that my driver's license is in the pocket of the dress I wore to last night's cocktail party. Tammy's neighbor called right after I arrived to tell her that they are putting their house on the market for a mere 475K. It is a tiny 4300 square foot place right behind Tammy's. She wants to know how soon I can move down here. She sent me in the computer room to do the Journal entry, so people know I made it down here safely. She is busy pouring the wine as I type. I was going to stop at the Wigs Wigs Wigs! outlet in N.C. on my way down, but was in the wrong lane passing a state trooper (kidding) at the time the exit came up. I guess I can stop on my way home on Thursday. Love, P.

9/14/01

I was at the "Movers and Shakers" cocktail party this evening and am now sitting in a friend's kitchen trying to put in my Journal entry before it gets too late. I leave for Tammy's in the morning, and still need to pack, but don't really want the evening to end. It's quite chilly out tonight, and it won't be long before the leaves start to put on their fall colors. All day today, acorns were falling down and hitting my deck, sounding like gunshots. This year, I'm going to have to hire someone to rake up my leaves. Love, P.

9/13/01

The MJH reception last night was fun. I got lots of hugs and well-wishes from doctors who usually hate E.R. doctors because we call them in the middle of the night for admissions! The scallops with bacon were wonderful as always and I like the image from Aunt Mernie of the cancer cells slipping on all the bacon grease and getting killed. My friend Ann thinks that there are very few cancer cells left alive in my body. I heard a rumor at the reception that the country's number one melanoma specialist, Dr. Kirkwood (who is at Pittsburgh now), just took a job as chief of Hematology-Oncology at UVA Hospital in Charlottesville!! This means that if there are more than just a few cells left after next cycle, I can most likely continue treatment here. What luck! Love, P.

9/12/01

I'm getting ready to head out to the MJH Staff Reception, and I wonder if people are going to go or stay home in light of the terrorist attack. It seems shallow for me to be going, but then again, if no one shows up SOMEONE has to eat the scallops wrapped in bacon!! I played another few holes of golf today. Again, I played poorly, but had one glimmer of glory with a par on #3. I believe that is the only score I bothered to write down on the card (feel-good golf). I got 2 bills today totalling more than 60K - hope the insurance pays most of it!! I'm heading down to Tammy's in S.C. on Saturday. We have more test to run on wine as a melanoma cure. Love, P.

9/11/01

I can't believe the news today! I think of the thousands of people hurt or killed by the terrorist attacks, and it makes me feel that my problems are so insignificant! I'm shunting some of my prayers along to those that need them more. How horribly sad! I did play 7 holes of golf today. I didn't keep score and didn't play well, but I had a few good shots. I have to get ready for my trip to see Tammy in S.C. next week. I have been plowing through the Harry Potter book, and with it being too early to go to bed now, I'm likely to hit the last 5 chapters soon, and then will be up late trying to get to the end. I better plan on a nap before the staff reception. Love, P.

9/10/01

I'm getting a bit stronger each day. My appetite is back and I had a good night's sleep last night. I went to the library today to get the 4th Harry Potter book. Wow, it's looooooooong. The first three were quick reads. This one may take me awhile! On Wednesday (9/12), MJH is having its annual Medical Staff reception at the Farmington Country Club. The food there is always incredible, and I've been every year since I started working at MJH. I like the scallops wrapped in bacon and the steamship round of beef. It'll be nice to see some of my colleagues who haven't seen me since I took my Leave of Abscence on 6/1. I think people are going to be surprised how surprisingly healthy I look - and still with hair! Love, P.

9/9/01

The race was fun! It was very tiring and hot, but I'm so glad I went. Barb took good care of me, forcing me to rest in the shade and drink plenty of bottled water. We got home a 3AM. I napped today and did nothing more strenous than taking a shower. My neighbors are going to take me out for a boat ride as soon as I finish this entry. Barb called from York to let me know that she made it back home safely this evening. It looks as though Pastor Bill forgave me for missing church this morning. He stopped by after the service to bring church to me. Sort of funny attending church in your pajamas!! Love, P.

9/8/01

Barb is like a kid at Christmas waiting to open presents. She just came up to tell me that the car is all packed (it is not even 11AM now). She has a black and white checkered tank top and matching socks. I have Steve Park yellow culottes, a Steve Park tee-shirt and a NASCAR fanny pack. I think I'll buy some of the socks at the race. I had a restless night last night. I kept dreaming that people would say, "Quick! Who drives the number 55 car?" and I kept forgetting (it's Hamilton). I also dreamed that people kept handing me sample packs of Charmin toilet paper - what is THAT all about? The problem with race day is that if you don't go ridiculously early, you may not get good parking. With Steve Park not driving today (still recovering from last week's concussion) I have to decide which guy I will root for. (ANYONE but Jeff Gordon the wimp). Perhaps Bobby Labonte or Kenny Schrader - at least with Kenny, I have the yellow clothes on. I'd better pack up, or Barb, in her excitement, will leave without me! Love, P.

9/7/01

Barb is here. We have been testing out the little two-way radios she bought in case we get separated at the race. (while I'm resting at the truck and she is shopping for cool race stuff). It is supposed to be about 90 degrees tomorrow. We went to the store and bought ice, bottled water, and juice boxes. It seems a shame that I have a "brother" in the Perrier business, and I have to BUY bottled water at Food Lion. No vomiting since Tuesday. I'm practically ready to drive one of the race cars! So, Pastor Bill, if I miss church on Sunday because I get home from the race at 2AM, will God still cure my cancer? Is God a NASCAR fan? I'm going to have to remember to post my Journal entry before we go tomorrow, or I'll miss my first day since 6/20! Love, P.

9/6/01

Yikes! I was lounging on the sofa watching the Goodwill Games and flipping back and forth to Celebrity Millionaire, and received 2 phone calls to check if I was okay because there was no Journal entry yet for today. Sorry. I came up to do it, and couldn't get on-line, fortunately things are up and running with the backup ISP at PA Network that my sister set up. When I use PA Network, it is a long distance call to PA, so I feel like I have to type fast. (In Junior High School, during 9th grade personal typing, I improved from 10 words per minute to a blistering 12 wpm at the end of the course). Long day today. I had a morning clinic appt., and found my counts are dropping again. My platelet count is low (platelets help you clot when you bleed) - my oncologist told me to be careful, no falling, shaving, playing with knives, swimming with sharks, or picking my nose. We will delay 4th cycle of chemo for an extra week to allow bone-marrow recovery, making next cycle starting the 24th. My Interferon shot today was not too bad, just a bit achy with a low-grade fever, but I kept down most of an Extra Value Meal at lunch and thus far have kept down supper (mildly nauseated only). I've still been sleeping poorly at night, tossing and turning for 1-3 hours every night between 1 and 5 AM sometime. Maybe the fact that I didn't nap today will give me a good night's sleep tonight. Figures I had a lot to say when I'm on the long-distance line. I'll go to bed now. Love, P.

9/5/01

What a beautiful day today. I spent much of it sitting outside in the fresh air. No energy to do more than sit, though. The appetite is still the pits. Let's see - I had 4 bites of mashed potatoes for breakfast, 4 chips and 1/2 an ice-cream sandwich for lunch, 1/2 a Poptart for a snack, no supper yet. Gee, I wonder why I am so weak, tired, and losing weight!!?? It is really nice to be getting guest book entries from the old E.R. crew at Carlisle Hospital. I worked there for three and a half years before moving to Virginia. I now have 187 E-mails that I haven't answered. I hope if you are out there waiting for a response you realize that it is all I can do to think of a daily Journal entry! Question for Missy - if I don't vomit, am I still getting rid of cancer cells? Love, P.

9/4/01

I had my Interferon shot this afternoon, and my palms just started feeling warm, which seems to be the first sign of the chills and onslaught to come. I decided to learn from the past, get my butt upstairs, do the journal entry, take my bath, and get under the covers. I'll try to keep in mind that Missy wants me to think of puking up the cancer cells. I tried to "prep" for this shot by having the clinic give me a shot of the 24 hour anti-nausea medicine (Kytrel) and had them run 500 cc's of saline into me IV to "tank up". The clinic nurses are so wonderful - they deserve a round of applause. Now, even if the Kytrel doesn't work, I am less likely to get into trouble from a night of the heaves. Can you believe it is September already?? Wow! Just over 3 months since my world turned upside-down. Thanks for sharing it with me. (By the way, I get credit for web visit # 4000 - when I logged on yesterday, it was 3999, so I logged off and back on - I got that idea from Aunt Haha). The Interferon fever train is on its way, so I'm outta here. Goodnight. Love, P.

9/3/01

Mild nausea and big-time fatigue all day today, but a much better day than yesterday. I'm sure you know that it thrills me beyond belief that I get another Interferon shot tomorrow! I'll have to make sure I eat and drink a lot before the shot so when it makes me feel bad I have a reserve tank. I need to be in shape for Saturday's Richmond NASCAR race (Barb & I have tickets). Bath time. Bye! Love, P.

9/2/01

Well, half of my day was good. I ate breakfast and a bit of lunch. Mom left around 11:30 this morning after giving me my Interferon shot. I napped. I turned on the race. I sipped FruitWorks Peach Papaya. I visited with Lynn and her siblings. Then with 43 laps to go in the race, the shot must have kicked in. I got shaking chills, leg pain, and have been dry heaving ever since. I have been wrapped up in multiple blankets between trips to the toilet feeling like crap. Even swaying doesn't help. My own fault, I guess, for stepping up the Interferon to Sun, Tues, Thurs, but I figured I had ended chemo early and could "get it over with". Bleah!!! I at least know that this will pass in about 24 hours. Trying to be brave all the time can be a bitch. I hope enough Peach Papaya was in my system to prevent dehydration. I can't stand being in the hospital. Drat! I was having such a nice day!! Love, P.

9/1/01