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Golf was even worse today, but the weather was perfect (shorts weather). I've still got another crack at it tomorrow. I went part-way around the neighborhood with the boys. I sent them on a mission to bring me Baby Ruths, no luck so far. They are still out there with Tim & Tammy, and I came back to give out candy. Lots of little boys in Clemson uniforms, girls wearing pajamas, and parents looking frazzled. Even Tammy does not have Baby Ruths to give out (if she had, I would not have put the porch lights on)! I may have to buy them on sale tomorrow. Neat full moon tonight, isn't it?? Happy Halloween to all! Love, P.
No golf today. Tammy had some people here today to work on her house, so we stayed in. This evening, we all went to the fall festival at the boys' school. The kids all wear costumes and run around. They get candy at various booths and give us stuff to hold for them. Silly things - trusting us to hold their candy bags without eating any! No Baby Ruths though, bummer. Maybe tomorrow night when they go Trick-or-Treating in the neighborhood, they'll bring home some Baby Ruths - I can always hope. Trent was selected on the soccer All-Stars team, so instead of being done with soccer, he has 3 practices this week, 2 games on Saturday, and some on Sunday if they win the day before. Again, I am starting to get the feeling that God gave me cancer to prove to me that I don't need/want children. First the idea of vomiting with morning sickness for MONTHS instead of just the chemo 2 weeks, then the constant shuttling of the kids to various activities as they get older. Moms of America, I salute you. Love, P.
Boo hoo hoo! I was beaten by an 8 year old today by one stroke for nine holes (and I was barely able to beat the 6 year old - only by 5 strokes). Trent (8) was on my team vs. Tammy and Tyler on the other. Trent had to do all the work, because I was playing so badly. We ended up tied up at the end. Whew! I went (kicking & screaming) to Tammy's hair dresser today. My hair has not all fallen out, but has gotten very thin and quite wispy. He cut it very short to give it some volume. I look like elf-boy now, and have to avoid mirrors. Barb, please send new do-rags, stat! Love, P.
I liked the extra hour of sleep this morning! We went to church and then Tammy, Trent, & I played 18 holes of golf while Tim & Tyler went deer hunting. I was only 2 strokes better than Friday, mostly because I could not putt. I was only in one sand trap, and my tee shot on the last hole was a thing of beauty - can't wait to play tomorrow, though I think we will only play 9 holes with both boys after they get home from school. I was much warmer at last night's party as a golfer, however Friday's party was more fun because I knew more people. Love, P.
Alas, Trent & Tyler lost their soccer game last night. The kids played well, unfortunately it ended up 2-1. Too bad they lost. I froze my butt off last night as 'Car-Hop Girl' at the party. It was indoors but the bar was out on the porch and the doors were open most of the night. I have not been able to get warm all day. I have decided against 'Prison Woman' for tonight's party, because it, too, is a skimpy costume. I decided that to stay warm: I'll wear layers, golf shoes, a golf glove, golf hat, etc., and be in a warm costume, though not really a change from my usual look! Love, P.
The boys won their soccer game last night in a real nail-biter. They were up 2-0, but the other team tied it up. They scored the go-ahead goal late in the game, and the clock ran out. Trent scored one of the 3 goals, his brother, Tyler plays defense and doesn't often score (unless he is way out of position). Now we have the finals tonight, wedged in-between supper and the Halloween party. The team they play tonight looks lots better than they looked, but 2nd place in the league is nothing to sneeze at. Tammy & I played golf today. I was awful and couldn't hit anything, but it was warm & sunny shorts weather. I sure do like it down here. Tammy beat me by 16 strokes. I told her that I was just letting her feel confident and secure for now but I plan to knock her socks off next week! Love, P.
I'm at Tammy's safe and without a speeding ticket. She & Tim are going to the Halloween party as Fred & Wilma, with the neighbors going as Betty & Barney. They want me to be Dino - I declined. It sounds like the weather is going to be doing weird things. I brought a little of everything, and lots of layers. We have a playoff soccer game that her boys are in tonight. Tomorrow we will golf and go to the first of the 2 Halloween parties, AND if the boys win tonight, they advance and play tomorrow. I have a feeling I'm going to be busy! Love, P.
It was nice of Joan to admit that I beat her at golf yesterday. I did NOT golf today, though I wanted to. Instead, I was busy all day doing laundry, cleaning, filing papers, paying bills, doing errands, and then cooked dinner & had my med school roommate (Lynn) and her family over. Boy, I thought I overdid it yesterday!! Man, I'm tired! She did all the after-dinner dishes, which was a help. I still have to pack, and I leave for Tammy's (tied with Lynn for my best friend) in the morning. I think I'll pack tomorrow morning and go to bed now - it is almost 10, and the phone will probably start ringing if I don't get this Journal entry posted soon! Love, P.
I overdid it a bit today! I played 18 holes of golf (shot a 109), ran around doing errands, then went out to dinner. I'm ready to drop. Of course, it is supposed to be 80 degrees again tomorrow, so I may have to do the same thing again! My friends served steak, which is good for my energy, iron, protein, and red blood cells. Bed early tonight! Love, P.
I'm back in Virginia for a few days. It is nearly 80 degrees out, and I wish I had time to golf. I'll play tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going out to dinner with one of my fellow ER colleagues. She tells me that I'm lucky that I'm not working. Fall cold season has arrived, and this year, people with colds insist on being checked for anthrax. Oh, brother! I'm hoping that when I go back to work, that I'll be a kinder, more tolerant doctor because of my experiences as a patient; unfortunately, I may have not changed a bit! Anthrax, for goodness sake - get out of my ER! Grrrr. I better not go back to work too soon! Love, P.
Today I drove up-river to central PA to visit the woman who lived next door to me from age 4 to college. She is Mrs. Smith, and I loved going next door to show her my schoolwork and to eat cookies, follow her around, etc. I found out years later, that my visits meant the world to her, and she loves me like a daughter (she & her husband never had kids of their own). She refers to me as "my Pammy". She never forgets my birthday. Since I wrote to tell her about my cancer, she has mailed me a card every week. At age 76, she does not have a "new fangled computer" and has missed out on this website. She took me out to lunch and I talked her ear off. It was a great visit. It makes me feel good inside to see how special I am to some people. I am now back at Mom & Dad's. Tonight we are having filet from the last of the cattle that Dad raised. It is the end of an era. Dad had raised full-blooded Chianina cattle at Lake View Farm since the late 70's. I sure had lots of memories stirred up today - childhood at Mrs. Smith's and working on the farm during the summers I was growing up. I sure will miss 'home-grown' beef!! Love, P.
I spent the morning & early afternoon at Barb's. We went to a fabric store and bought material that a friend of hers is going to make into scarf-type caps ("do-rags") for me. I am now at my other sister's (Kat's) seeing my nephews for the first time since July. David was reportedly excited that I was coming, but now is acting shy, and Andrew looks at me like I have 2 heads and doesn't seem to remember me at all. Sigh. Kat is making supper, and the neighbor (who reads the website and knew I was coming) brought over a bottle of wine for us to have with supper. Lobster night last night was great. I enjoyed having a night out with my Dad, and Dad said it was like having the old Pam back because I ate ALL of my meal. Love, P.
I had a nice drive up to PA, with not much traffic and beautiful fall colors. Dad & I are watching the golf (the PGA tour); Mom is playing golf and will miss lobster night. I watch these pros make it look so darn easy! Why can't I hit the ball like that? Gee, could it be that it's because I don't practice 4 hours a day? Nah. It's a platelet thing. Love, P.
Interesting morning today! I had a bit of a headache when I went to bed, and was awake at 1 AM with a worsening headache, which continued to get worse. It became the worst headache in my life and pain medicine didn't touch it. Being a physician, I know too much - the "worst headache in your life" is a subarachnoid hemorrhage (SAH = burst blood vessel in your head) until proven otherwise. Of course, with the recent low platelets increasing my chance of spontaneous bleeding, I got very worried, which also made my headache worse. Convinced that I was in big trouble, I called my neighbors at 2:30AM and they took me into the ER where I had a CT scan, medication, bloodwork, and was able to negotiate my way out of (refuse) a spinal tap (which diagnoses 7% of SAH's). The main test (93%) is the head CT scan looking for blood. Of course it was negative, and my headache began to improve remarkably as soon as the scan was done! My platelets are 72,000 after my transfusion, my white count is good. I feel like a stupid hypochondriac, and I feel bad that I woke my neighbors up for nothing. We got home at 6 AM and I was able to sleep till 11. Not a trace of headache today. I even went to town to get a costume (I'm not telling, but will try to post a picture on the website sometime closer to Halloween). My neighbors (Lou & Al Colville) deserve a medal for being so wonderful through all of my delusions of brain hemorrhage! I love them. Love, P.
I took my new platelets to the golf course today. Turns out that I must have gotten good tee-shot platelets but they mixed in some "can't putt to save your ass" platelets. I didn't exactly set any course records (except perhaps the most putts in any 9 hole round ever), but it was fun. My playing partners were very gracious, and unlike Joan, they will allow me to continue to use chemo as an excuse. The Big Pooh/Little Pooh idea for a costume does not make sense, because I'll be at a Halloween party in Sumter, SC, and my nephew will be up in PA. Tammy called to warn me to bring TWO costumes, because we have a party to attend 2 nights in a row. I think I'll abandon the creative costume that takes thought and planning, and I'll just go to a costume store tomorrow and just get something that fits. Love, P.
Platelets were only 9,000 this morning. I had to get my first-ever transfusion. I asked for platelets donated by a good golfer. I'll play 9 holes tomorrow to see if they gave me the right ones! There was a beautiful rainbow out over the Lake this evening. I would have missed it, because I had my nose in a book, but Lou called and told me to look out the window. Fall is by far my favorite time of year! No more shots or clinic appointments till scan day 11/6 - wow - what freedom! Love, P.
White cells are better today, platelets are worse. I'm down to 14,000 and am on the alert for any bleeding. If either a bleed or a drop to 10,000, I'll need a platelet transfusion. They are going to check again tomorrow. I tried the E.V. meal # 3 at McDonald's today, but was unable to eat more than a few bites. I'd better get up to speed before lobster night! I need ideas for a Halloween costume - any suggestions? Love, P.
Wow! Lots of Guest Book activity over the weekend! I must say that the highlight of my day is always logging on and checking the Guest Book! Congratulations to Janie for being #6000 - I wonder if she had to log on & off a few times to get that number like Sean & Katherine did for #5000 (they started at 4989). I'm not quite up to speed yet, and did not have enough energy to go to church this morning, but I did eat a whole sandwich for lunch and even drank a Diet Coke today. I'm hoping to feel back to normal by tomorrow, but I may be pushing things. I'm SOOOOO glad that I don't have any more Interferon shots!!! My nephew, David, (age 3) told me on the phone that he was making a picture for me. I guess I'll head up to PA toward the end of the week to collect his creation. I found out that my plan is good, because it coincides with Lobster night at Mom & Dad's club again. Though not the same as the super fresh lobsters at Janie & Fred's, lobster is still lobster! Love, P.
I've been sleeping so much that vultures are circling my house. I can't seem to catch up on my sleep! My extra sleep yesterday got rid of the shakes and chills, but the nausea and yucky taste in my mouth has continued all day today. Everything tastes bad. I can't figure out what food to try. Hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow. For Aunt Janie and other "non-medical" people, the bone marrow makes 3 types of blood cells - white blood cells (which fight infection, magic number is more than 1500 needed to safely protect you from infection), red blood cells (which carry oxygen to your tissues and have not been too much of a problem for me) and platelets (which help your blood to clot - less than 40,000 puts you at risk for spontaneous bleeding - gut, nose, brain, etc, which is difficult to stop). On Friday, the platelets were 34,000 and the white blood cells were 1800. We won't know till Monday whether they are at a low point and going back up, or whether they are still dropping. It was like a summer day down here today. Too bad I'm too weak to golf. Ah, well, maybe next week. Love, P.
I felt good earlier today, but now have the "Interferon Blues". Shakes, chills, vomiting - this should be the last time! It is only 5PM, but I'm going to turn off my phones and go to bed now. Platelets are dangerously low today at 34,000, so no bleeding allowed! I'll try to write more tomorrow, but feel too crummy now. Goodnight. Love, P.
Amazing how exhausting it is to do nothing all day. I still have no interest in food or beverage, but I haven't vomited for 23 hours. I've had 2 naps already today, and feel as though I need another. Mom made it home. It was great having her here. My last Interferon shot is tomorrow morning. I hope this means that by Monday at the latest, I'll be feeling better. Lou got me to drink a cup of decaff tea today, and Joan dropped by with another box of Pop-tarts (which seemed to work last cycle). I was miserable last evening - sick and weak, until I began to realize that it could be worse - at least I am not in any pain. Thank God! Love, P.
I'm still purging those nasty cancer cells. It'll be nice to eat something that actually stays down for a change. Today was hump day of second week, with 2 of 3 Interferon shots under my belt. I have set things up to have repeat scans on November 6th to see how well I did at puking up all the cancer. I stopped by the E.R. today for Emergency Nurses' Day (actually, I completely forgot that today was the day, but it sounded good there for a minute, didn't it?). Mom leaves tomorrow morning. The insides of my cupboards and drawers have never been this organized - she was quite bored. I'll miss her. Love, P.
I had a good night's sleep but did not wake up feeling very lively. I have been fighting nausea all day. Mom went to pick up a prescription of an anti-nausea medicine to add to the two I am using already. After awhile, the phone rang. It was the pharmacist wondering if I really wanted the $600 prescription filled (for 10 tablets). If I knew for certain that the medicine would work, I might have been tempted to get it. Seeing as how nothing seems to work, I told him "thanks, but no, thanks". Now, I'm just going to have to tough it out. It's hard to feel sick 24/7 but at least I know from previous chemo cycles that this, too, shall pass. Love, P.
The hospital has ruined me. I slept very poorly last night because it was too quiet. No beeping of the IV pump, no meds dispensed at 4 AM, and no doses of sleeping medication. I'll have to have Mom barge in and turn on the lights every few hours. She has been practicing her IV pump sound which may help me to sleep better. At clinic today my counts were better but I have been unable to eat or drink so they kept me four hours to give me fluids. There was a woman beside me who had a melanoma removed 14 years ago and was fine until one year ago. She has severe pain because of tumors in her spine. I am thankful that even though I feel so horrible, I have no pain. Okay, who's the wiseacre who left an unsigned message in the guest book that Barb is such a nice person and I should be more like her? Is that you, Joan? Trying to tell me something? Love, P.
Hooray! I've been released from cell block 713. My counts are lower than ever, though, so I may need to spend some more time in the hospital. Today's count was only 225 (remember anything below 1500 is dangerous). Mom is staying a few extra days to provide TLC, but even she drew the line when I wanted her to watch the NASCAR race this afternoon. I was able to keep down a few bites of Rotini pasta for lunch. It sure is nice to be home. Love, P.
I feel sick as a dying dog. I have not been able to eat since Monday. The fevers are ongoing. Mom says that the fever is cooking the cancer cells, and then I vomit them up. Considering the number of times I vomited, there can't be many left. I may be able to be discharged tomorrow. I worry that when I go home without an IV, I'm going to get dehydrated and end up back in here. Mom has been a real trooper, hugging me and wiping up my puke. My counts today are marginal, but we will complete the whole five day cycle. Love, P.
Chemo is continuing. I'm really wiped out. I have not eaten since Monday night. Thank goodness they give me drugs to make me sleep. Barb went back home this morning and Mom left to do an errand four hours ago and has not returned. I dictated this Journal entry to Kat so that I wouldn't have to sit up. Any movement causes chills. Poor pitiful Pammy. Love, P.
Boy, do I feel bad..fever, chills, tired. Barb drove down for the day to watch me rest. How thrilling, but I'm glad she did. I made her wash my hair and we took a trip to the ER so she could meet the gang. Mom got the oil changed in my car. My counts are dropping, but are still o.k. I'm hanging tough. Love, P.
Rough night last night. The fevers, vomiting, chills, started at 8PM. They gave me drugs to sleep through the worst of it. I still have a fever this morning, and the dreaded itching has started. I vomited up breakfast. One good thing is that this morning's counts are good enough to continue blasting cells. The ER nurses are bringing me Chinese food for lunch. I feel so wiped out. Love, P.
Well, I'm all tucked in here in room 713 getting my 3 hour pre-hydration before chemo. No visitors yet. I decided to take time out from FreeCell to make sure my modem link works. This room is on the other side, so it does not view the graveyard. We had figured out that it is better for Mom to come after admission but to stay into the week I'm home after discharge. She isn't coming till tonight, and I must say it is a bit lonely without her sitting in her usual chair by the window doing puzzles and reading Sue Grafton mysteries. Oh well, she can watch me sleep tomorrow. Back to FreeCell. Love, P.
I finally heard from Pittsburgh late this morning. They want me to proceed with Cycle 4 chemo at Martha Jefferson. There were no private rooms on the cancer floor till late today (I have to go to a private room because of my low counts), so instead of getting started late, I'll be admitted at 8AM tomorrow. They think Room 713, but that might change. I had planned to do 2 entries today to bring people up to date, but got bogged down trying to sort through my bills and insurance claims, and had to make a boat-load of phone calls, etc. (Don't fret, Tony - Al helped me with all of that). I also got a Living Will, Power of Attorney, and Will done today before this next Cycle. Boo hoo, no time for golf today! I have the lap-top and my jammies packed for tomorrow. Love, P. |
