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Things look better today. I woke up without a fever, which also decreases the itching. I kept down a bowl of Frosted Flakes for 4 hours. Mom washed my hair. My platelets went from 22,000 (extreme danger for severe bleeding with one wrong nose-pick) to 108,000 (thanks, Kat). I received a call from one of the radiologist saying that he was sure it was not tumor in my liver. Later this morning, another radiologist came up to my room with my films and explained why there had been some question. He and the first guy fiddled with the computer to come up with some different angles, and concluded that in all likelihood, it is NOT tumor. My oncologist came by and said that he will give me fluids today and watch for fever, but I can probably leave tomorrow. Cycle 4 will be for as many days as my counts can handle in September. Certainly a better day than yesterday! Thank you for the extra prayers. Love, P.
Dear folks, I need your help - Bad news today. They have to stop chemo because I'm having bad side effects. My counts are in the toilet,as are my spirits. The liver lesion turns out to be tumor, afterall. I thought I had this beaten, but now it looks like it is beating me. Please send more prayers. I'm scared. Love, P.
Itchy, sick, sleepy, and miserable. So goes Cycle 3. I have a very temperamental IV pump, which keeps beeping and driving me nuts. Mom is reading more than I've ever seen her. Poor thing is bored out of her mind. Not much to say today. I still don't have the scan results. Oh well, back to my nap. It makes the time pass more quickly. Love, P.
Dr Stefan Gorsch was not kidding when he said he'd drug me up so the chemo would go better this time. I've done nothing but sleep and feel like mush-brain. Poor Mom is bored out of her mind. Her only excitement was watching the window washers come down on pulleys and wash the windows (gottta have a good view of the cemetary) My fever goes up and down, last night to 103.7, all side effects of my dear Chemo. Maybe tumor cells don't like hot temperatures. Well, the oh-so-comfortable-hospital bed is calling again. Love, P.
Hello from Room 723 at MJH. They are not any speedier here than UPMC. I arrived at 10:30 AM and at 2:30PM I just got my 3 hour pre-chemo fluids started. Part of that was not their fault. I had to spend 2 hours down in Nuclear Medicine getting my liver scan. It did allow me to have an extra value meal from McDonald's for lunch prior to getting chemo started (more likely to stay down) - thanks, Joan! My room overlooks a cemetery, which is kind of morbid. In the book, Love, Medicine, & Miracles, the author talks about how much better patients do when they have a nice view rather than a brick wall in front of them. I wonder what he'd say about my view, and would a brick wall be better? Oh, in case you think I forgot, I don't have the results of the liver scan yet. Love, P.
Back in Virginia, with the clock ticking towards CHEMO! Arrrrrgh! It was nice to see my sister Karen, Bob and my 2 cute nephews today. We took the boys to the Lake Meade Community pool after a steamed shrimp and corn lunch. The hospital will call me tomorrow when they have a bed for me. I'll pack the laptop so I can put entries in from the hospital. It'll be a lot easier getting the chemo at MJH rather than Pittsburgh. I do sleep a lot during chemo as part of the side effects of the stuff to help keep me from vomiting, so if you're planning to stop by, don't expect me to be lively. Remember, too, that because of the IV, no shower for the whole week, so you are better off stopping by earlier in the week, before I get too ripe. I did not stay awake for the whole race, and it ended too late for the results to be in the morning paper. I did hear who won, but no one can tell me exactly how far up Steve was at the finish (he was in 8th when I went to bed with 100 laps to go). Oh well, maybe in tomorrow's paper. Love, P.
Today my "number 2 brother" (Brian Colville) and his family were down near my parents' place for a Youth Soccer Tournament played in Gettysburg. I got to watch my "niece", Megan running around the soccer field - go Swarm!! They are all still at the tournament in the heat, and I'm back at Mom & Dad's knocking back Heinekens with Dad and watching the NEC (golf) - go Phil!! The steak last night was awesome. Dad only has one bull left on the farm, so we're not going to get much more filet as good as last night (one of ours). It'll save him a lot of work, but it sort of is the end of an era. (we've had cattle since I was a teen). Barb is down at the Bristol NASCAR race, she is between turn 2 and 3 and expects me to spot her in the crowd - go Steve! Chemo Monday - heavy prayer action needed. Thanks to all. Love, P.
I have made it through major traffic jams and got to Mom & Dad's right at what I thought was supper time. I've been here an hour already, and no sign of supper. Grrrrr! Mom told me she had tried to check my website and got a error message. I found out from the "Webmaster" that the network computers crashed and she will be working to get things back up. If this entry shows up, it means that she was able to get things working. I suspect she will have a long night! Poor Kat! She created this computer monster (me) who needs her webpage guest book reading fix everyday, and now I can't check the site. Boo hoo. Love, P.
I have now finished the first 3 Harry Potter books. I also read an interesting book called "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" which talks about the survivors of cancer as being exceptional people. I don't really fit the author's profile of what the 'typical' survivor is like, so it must be all the prayers. He even talks about how survivors tend to stay away from fats, eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies, exercise every day, and minimize caffeine & alcohol. I had 2 cups of high-test coffee this morning, skipped breakfast, had a nice fatty Quarter Pounder with cheese for lunch with Diet Coke (fries are a vegetable), spent all day on the couch reading Harry Potter, and had beer with supper (apple pie is a fruit). Please keep the prayers coming - it appears that with my behavior, I need them!! Chemo on Monday, oh joy! Love, P.
I had my "adventure in Pittsburgh" today. I flew up from Charlottesville this morning, picked up a rental car, and actually found the clinic. I then found the airport again and flew home, saving 12 hours of driving. My Pittsburgh oncologist looked at the scans from the 16th and said that I was "as close to a complete response" as he's seen "after just 2 cycles". He also said that 2 more cycles would likely do it, but if not he has a study in progress for people who have not responded to my kind of biochemo, and has had 2 of 7 in the study with complete response using a different treatment. When I got my diagnosis the beginning of June and learned that Stage IV melanoma has a median survival of 6 - 9 months, I was worried that I would not live till Christmas. Now, I worry if I'll have time to go to Australia before I have to get back to work! Yipee! Love, P.
Another late entry today. I had a nice day. I had to go into town to get copies of my scans to take to my Pittsburgh clinic appointment tomorrow, and got a chance to say 'hi' to people in the ER and Radiology, as well as a few people in the hallways. I felt alive and strong today. My mental attitude right now is so positive because of the good scans. I KNOW that I am beating this and will be back at work on 1/1/02. I hope that I am learning whatever God wanted me to learn through this experience. I hope that my experience will help others and will help me to be a better person and a better physician. One of the best things that cancer has done for me so far was to bring my sister Barb and I closer than we have ever been. I love you, Barb. I'm getting all choked up here, so I'll end this now. Love, P.
So, today was my "snow day" and I got a chance to run some errands. I started the first Harry Potter book today (I figure with the movie coming out in October, I'd better get started). Thanks to Lynn, Bob, Rebecca, Rachel, & Nicholas for hot-tubbing and dinner at their house. They gave me a few glasses of Chardonnay to kill some cancer cell - yum. There was a house fire today at Lake Monticello and an elderly couple whom I don't know lost everything. My heart goes out to them. I may go to the driving range tomorrow to hit golf balls. Heck, I saw some of the pros miss putts at the PGA that I could have made blindfolded - it gives me hope. Maybe I could work out a deal - they could get the ball to the green, and I could be designated putter. That would help keep me from having to hit those annoying tee shots and shots over water, etc. Love, P.
Late entry today. I sort of got involved watching a video next door. Too bad about Phil Mickelson. I was really hoping he'd win his first major. I went out for dinner and taped the last 6 holes. I got home and turned on the T.V. so I could rewind and watch how he did, and I ended up turning it on just as they were awarding the trophy to David Toms. I watched anyway. He had a chance this time. I'm so glad that I don't have chemo this week. I get another week off. It feels like having a snow day when you are in school - hooray! If my Aunt Mernie can get an eagle in golf, I really should give up the game completely. Watching it on T.V. is a lot less frustrating and more relaxing. In church today I had to announce my scan results and everyone clapped. I'm glad to be part of our little church that meets at the Fitness Center for lack of a real home. Love, P.
What a lazy slug I am. I sat around at my neighbor's house and rather than socializing on the boat and down on the waterfront, I watched day 3 of the PGA. Can't wait till tomorrow. I want my man Phil Mickelson to win his first major, but he always chokes on day 4. It would also be nice to see my NASCAR driver (Steve Park) do well tomorrow. I can sense another lazy day tomorrow. It wouldn't seem so criminal if it weren't such a beautiful day. Maybe it'll rain tomorrow! I slept a bit better last night, but my lazy day has exhausted me. Rough life! Love, P.
Oops! I was wrong about the plan! My oncologist in Pittsburgh spoke to my oncologist in Virginia, and he wants me to wait another week for chemo. He also wants to see me in clinic this coming week. I will fly to Pittsburgh and back on Wednesday the 22nd, and since I won't start Cycle 3 till 8/27, I'll drive up to see my parents (and be fed steak and shrimp) next weekend. Mom & I will drive 2 cars back to VA on the 26th and she'll stay at my house during Cycle 3, 8/27-8/31. Pittsburgh guy is okay with me getting chemo in Virginia. One more week of feeling good! This does push everything back a week, so now I can't go to the house I rented in the Outer Banks 9/15-22, because that will now be Cycle 4. Funny how this year for the first time ever, I got the vacation insurance back in March when I booked the trip. How did I know? The webmaster (hint, hint, Kat!) will have to update the August calendar. I still can't figure out why Janie's computer is so far behind. I logged my Journal entry in yesterday at 2:30PM and she says it wasn't there at 10:30PM. Also, her counter is behind with her not showing over 3100 visitors to the website. I think you have to hit the 'refresh' icon, Janie. Hey Marcia, what the heck does 'lolta' stand for? Love, P.
Whew! That took longer than I would have liked. I finally can give you all the scan results - the brain has no new lesions, actual brain tissue was seen (I wondered), and the original 4-5mm lesion is 3mm (and may be dead cells and scar rather than active tumor now); ALL of the lymph nodes in the lung are GONE; the lung nodule has gone from 19mm diameter to 11 mm diameter; the liver lesion is exactly the same size with no shrinkage. They are wondering now if the liver lesion was ever melanoma tumor in the first place or whether it is a benign hemangioma which I could have had all my life. It is in a place that they can't biopsy (the lung one was biopsied earlier and was melanoma). They will admit me to MJH 8/20 - 8/24 (459 Locust Avenue, Charlottesville, VA 22902) for cycle 3 and plan to do a fancy scan that may help them decide whether or not the liver thing is tumor. The complete resolution of the lymph nodes is the best part and is a great sign that with a few more chemo cycles and continued prayers, I will beat the odds and be a melanoma CURE! Sorry I was unable to reach my sister at York Hospital to give her scan results by phone. I ate a #3 value meal from McDonald's after the scans, which is another excellent sign. Love, P.
No nap today, and still not sleeping well at night. I'm worn out and overdid it again today, but had another fun day with my "siblings". The big scans are tomorrow morning. I'll try to get tomorrow's Journal entry on early afternoon to let people know the results. I'm much less worried about tomorrow since I had the very promising chest X-ray on Saturday. I might actually sleep tonight! Love, P.
A fun day today! My next-door neighbors consider me to be their daughter, so I have 3 brothers, 3 sisters-in-law, and 7 nieces and nephews that I acquired late in life. This is the week that they all come to visit. It is like a week-long party and feeding frenzy over there, and I'm included. I spent most of the day there, and though I'm weak and tired, I feel okay and I've been able to eat and even drink a beer or two today. My real Mom is coming down tomorrow because she wants to be with me when I get my scans on Thursday. Happy Birthday to Marcia G. Love, P.
Another good day today. I must be over the hump. I felt so good today that I didn't just lie on the sofa watching daytime T.V. and napping. I probably overdid it today, and even drove into town for a few errands. Boy, am I ever weak! I'll be working on building my strength for the rest of the week. Thanks to God for ending the nausea. Love, P.
Three meals today without heaving into the toilet! Yee-hah! They gave me a 24 hour anti-nausea shot last evening at the hospital. My 24 hours is up, but I'm hoping that it broke the cycle. Still no desire for beer, wine, or quarter pounders, though. Maybe tomorrow. I was reminded, much to my shame, that it is not just the chemo that is working, but the hundreds of prayers that have been said and are being said for me - I thank you all. I am already dreading cycle 3, which (if scans go as predicted by the chest X-ray) will be here at Martha Jefferson Hospital starting Monday the 20th. At least now I know that it is helping and hurting cancer cells worse than it is hurting me. I get this image of little pac-man cells looking bald, green, and barfing into the potty. Die babies, die! So, Mom, if my scans are in the morning on Thursday, we'd have time for golf in the afternoon, right? Bring your clubs. Love, P.
Another rough day, with bad news and good news. The bad news is that I spiked a fever this afternoon and had to go to the ER. I was there over 4 hours getting fluids, antibiotics and having my counts checked. My counts were okay, so I didn't have to be admitted, and the fever is likely related to last night's Interferon shot. The GOOD news is, that during my ER stay, they shot a chest X-ray which shows my lung tumor about 1/2 the size that it was before. THE CHEMO IS WORKING!!! This bodes well for the upcoming scans - if it is shrinking in the lung, it is likely to be shrinking everywhere! Hooray! It's late, it's been a long day - goodnight. Love, P.
I didn't eat much for lunch or supper, but what I did eat stayed down!! Probably because I finally stopped being stubborn and took Zofran - the 6 pills for $152 anti-nausea super pill. At that price, it had better work! I even dragged myself to the Movers and Shakers cocktail party this evening to put in an appearance. I had a glass of ice water, sat in a chair, and only stayed a half hour, but it was great to see everyone. I can't believe my own mother has fallen under the spell of 'magic quack remedies' and is going to make me take shark cartilage. As much as I hate chemo, I believe that chemo will cure me, not shark cartilage, mushroom extract, wheat grass juice, green tea, selenium, or the dozens of other "cures" that people are insisting that I try. Well, speaking of chemo, I've been putting off my Interferon shot - time to bring it on! Goodnight, all. Love, P.
Still feeling rough. Much different than last cycle. Bleah! Everyone who sees me tells me how good I look, but I sure don't feel well. I did manage a little baked potato for supper, and it has stayed down so far. The longer things stay down, hopefully the more calories I'm absorbing. I keep thinking that I'm really glad I was never pregnant, because morning sickness must be the most horrible feeling, and it lasts a whole trimester! A salute to mothers everywhere - you are tougher than I am!! Bedtime. Tomorrow is another day. Too bad I need an Interferon shot tomorrow. One week from today is Scan Day. Mom predicts good scans because the chemo is making me so sick that it MUST be working. I like her theory. Love, P.
What an ordeal! I went to clinic yesterday expecting them to give me a few bags of IV fluid, pat me on the head, and send me on my merry way. Instead they admitted me and kept me until after 5 PM tonight! I'd like to say that I feel better, but they gave me my Wednesday Interferon shot, so I feel crummy again. I wasn't prepared to spend the night, so was pretty ripe by the time I got home. I took both a shower AND a bubble bath. Ahhhh! Marcia, your March of Dimes ducky is a dud, he tips over and sinks. Good thing he can't drown in my tub. When one of the nurses was listening to my lungs, I glanced at her papers she had on me and saw a notation that I was "angry" - guess I'm supposed to be happy as a clam to be trapped in the hospital with a fatal disease! Oh well, I'm home now. Tomorrow will be better. Love, P.
Well, here I am, admitted to Martha Jefferson Hospital for IV fluids. I have not been able to shake the vomiting and was getting quite dehydrated. After giving me some fluids in Clinic, they decided I should spend the night. They plan to give me good drugs. I hope it works. I don't know when I'll be released tomorrow. Love, P.
Home, sweet, home! It's nice to be back, though much of that is because anything beats being in the Hospital getting chemo! I had all of the same medicines this time as last, and yet I hardly itch at all this time. My skin isn't even red. Ah, but the fatigue and the lack of appetite are familiar. As I just got off the bathroom floor where I was heaving into the toilet, I know that it is because I had an Interferon shot today, and this too shall pass. It is good that I've been there, done that, last time so I know what I can expect. There is no push for me to get out on the golf course, partly because I hate golf, and partly because it is supposed to be in the 90's all week this week. Nothing wrong with napping - gotta build up my strength. The next big day is August 16th, the day I am rescanned to see how we did with Cycle 1 and 2. I both dread that day and look forward to it. Love, P.
Mom & I made it back to Lake Monticello this evening. Traffic was bad due to a Civil War re-enactment outside of Leesburg. I was STARVING when I got home, with the last good meal I've had without puking 1 week ago. Mom heated up some soup and I had about 6 bites and was full. I feel like one of those "Survivor - The Outback" people who ate only rice and a rare fish for 42 days and lost all that weight. Think it'll stay off??? Nah. It is nice to be home with my BIG bathtub again. I need to end this and take a nice long soak. Love, P.
Ahhhhhh! It's great to be at my parents. Of course, no appetite and tired all the time, but free!! I just woke up from a nap and was worried that I had tangled up my IV lines, then remembered I don't have any IV lines! Ha! Last night I slept drug free for hours without an IV pump beeping or someone turning on the light to check my blood pressure - Heavenly! I'll be back to Virginia late tomorrow afternoon. Love, P.
11AM - Final day. My drip runs out in just over 2 hours and then I get a two hour flush bag, then my last Interferon shot, pack, and head east!! I'm climbing the walls here and can't stand waiting the 4 plus hours! Should be a drop in the bucket, but I want outta here NOW! I wish I could eat something. All day yesterday the sight and smell of food made me puke. I guess I know now why they insist on those pregnancy tests each time. I'll probably only do this one entry today, and hope to be writing from Mom & Dad's tomorrow. Love, P.
12NN I had a somewhat better night, due to less interruptions. I still feel crummy, though, and just can't eat anything without getting sick. Barb washed my hair today which felt great. I've been more & more itchy today and would love to just sleep through it all. A few more cards came today from the York crew, and one from Brian, Sandra & the girls. Love, P.
6PM I slept on & off all day today. I'm sure Mom was bored to tears. I did get her started on the Left Behind series, so she had something to read. Barb arrived safely this evening bearing all sorts of anti-itch lotion. I received 15 cards today from co-workers of Barb and a card from Aunt Mernie. Very touching, especially from the York crew who have never met me. Barb tells me that they all feel like they know me. I've had only a few bites of food all day, everything is making me sick. My skin is turning redder and is itching like crazy. Sleeping was a good idea today. Love, P.
9AM I slept off & on all night, with an interruption every 30-40 minutes for vital signs, weights, "do you need anything", etc. Yeah, I need to be left alone!! The itchy skin has started, as has the diarrhea. But. . . it's hump day! I'm hanging in there. Love, P.
6PM I got my Interferon shot about an hour ago, so I have about 1 more hour before I get the shakes. I thought I'd do the second entry before I feel too bad. My appetite doesn't exist. Mom has been eating my food trays, and actually believes that the hospital food isn't too bad. Yuck! Still plenty of hair on my head, no bald patches. The hair loss seem to be symmetrical. Love, P. |
